16篇英语小幽默，帮助学生提高学习兴趣
1. Star struck（追星族）I have been star struck since I was a little girl, so I was delighted and practically speechless not long ago when I spotted the actor Ernest Borg nine walking in my direction on New York\'s Fifth Avenue. \"Why, you\'re Ernest Borg nine!\" I managed to blurt out.
\"Yes,\" he said, nodding politely, \"I know.\" 2. Keep the Change
One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could \"buy\" a cone from me for a hug. Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make their purchases. The three youngest each gave me a quick hug, grabbed their cones and raced back outside. But when my teen-age son at the end of the line finally got his turn to \"buy\" his ice cream, he gave me two hugs. \"Keep the changes,\" he said with a smile. 3. Persistence
Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. \"Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Ritchie?\"
\"Uncle Ritchie and I don\'t play golf to win,\" my husband hedged. \"We just play to have fun.\"
Undaunted, Sara said, \"Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?\" 4.Treat
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn\'t come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy\'s parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it\'s humiliating to say you\'ve lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. \"What did you treat him?\" asked one of the men.
\"An ice-cream cone. Why?\"
\"Because,\" answered the officer, \"that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you\'ve about the fifth rookie he\'s conned for a treat!\" 5. Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. \"Please God,\" she said, \"Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy.\"
Her mother interrupted and said. \"Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?\"
And Julie replied, \"Because that\'s what I put in my geography exam!\" 6. I\'m Glad
A Sunday-school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. \"Now, children,\" she said, \"has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?\"
\"Please, teacher,\" said a small boy, \"I\'ve make someone glad yesterday.\"
“Well done. Who was that!\"
\"My granny.\"
\"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.\"
\"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, ad stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, \'Granny, I\'m going home.\' and she said, \'Well, I\'m glad\'!\" 7. Imitation
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. \"Well, sit down and eat your tea,\" said his mother. \"Your stomach\'s hurting because it\'s empty. It\'ll be all right when you\'ve got something in it.\"
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
\"That\'s because it\'s empty,\" said his bright son. \"You\'d be all right if you had something in it.\" 8. I Taught the Teacher
Mother asked her little boy, \"Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?\"
\"Nothing, Mum,\" answered the son proudly, \"instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.\" 9. A Baby Sister
Nurse: Don\'t you like your new baby sister, Johnnie?
Johnnie: She’s all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had got a new sister, and now he\'ll think I\'m trying to copy him. 10. Lucky Mother
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A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughter her tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, \"When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, \"Aren\'t you pleased that you\'ve come to live with us now?\"星沙英语网 11.A Problem in Arithmetic
Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.
One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window, which said, \"Apple-Six for five cents.\" An idea came to Bill and he went into the store.
\"How much are the apples?\" he asked the store.
\"Six for five cents.\"
\"But I don\'t want six apples.\"
\"How many apples do you want?\"
\"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic.\"
\"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?\" asked the man.
\"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth two cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple
is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you.\"
Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word. 12. A Family Rule
Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last Saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, \"There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?\"
Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film.
They came out of the cinema at 11 o\'clock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, \"Look, Bill. A woman is running along the road very fast, and a man is running after her. Can you see them?\"
Mr. Jones said, \"Yes, I can.\" He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, \"Can we help you?\"
\"No, thank you,\" the woman said, but she did not stop running. \"My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!\" 13. That\'s Why
Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already very good at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of money for them. They said, \"This boy\'s going to be famous when he\'s little older, and then we\'re going to sell these pictures for a lot more money.\"
Jimmy\'s pictures were different from other people\'s because he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half was always empty.
\"That\'s very clever,\" everyone said, \"Nobody else does that!\"
One day somebody bought one of Jimmy\'s pictures and then said to him, \"Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do you paint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?\"
\"Because I\'m small,\" Jimmy said, \"and my brushes don\'t reach very high.\" 14.A Trip to Disney
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, \"Good-by, Mickey.\"
Our daughter waved and said, \"Good-by, Minnie.\"
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, \"Good-by, Money.\" 15. Things Have Been Okay
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A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, \"Mom, the toast is burned.\"
\"You talked! You talked!\" Shouted his mother. \"I\'m so happy! But why has it taken this long?\"
\"Well, up till now,\" Said the boy, \"things have been okay.\"
16. A Family Rule
Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last Saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, \"There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?\"
Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film.
They came out of the cinema at 11 o\'clock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, \"Look, Bill. A woman is running along the road very fast, and a man is running after her. Can you see them?\"
Mr. Jones said, \"Yes, I can.\" He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, \"Can we help you?\"
\"No, thank you,\" the woman said, but she did not stop running. \"My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!\"
16篇英语小幽默，帮助学生提高学习兴趣
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